The Worst of 2010

For a temporary break from the great films of 2010, I thought I'd take a quick look at those films from last year that, well, just didn't live up to my expectations. I phrase my sentence in that manner because I doubt (for the most part) that most of these are actually the worst films of 2010. I watched every film on this list (except the very worst one) because I honestly thought they were going to be good. There is a very high likelihood that those films from last year which I intentionally skipped are worse than most of these. I just didn't see them; therefore, they aren't on the list. A short list of critically-panned films that you won't see on the list includes:

The Last Airbender

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Vampires Suck

Sex and the City 2

Gulliver's Travels

Killers

Jonah Hex

Little Fockers

Saw 3D

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Again, I fully expect that these films are probably worse than the vast majority of those actually on the list. This is just a list of the worst films that I personally sat through. Enough stalling. Let's stumble through the shit!

Okay, I had originally decided to justify and explain my reasons for disliking these films. However, I was forced to sit through all this badness, so they don't deserve my justifications. I know almost one person per film who disagrees with me about them. Most of them also at least hover around the fresh/rotten cutoff on Rotten Tomatoes. What I mean by this is that, if you disagree with me, it doesn't matter because I already know they aren't universally hated.

Satirical Warning: Most of these pictures aren't actually from their movies, and if they are, the captions aren't.

First, a few honorable mentions:

Kick-Ass - I know, that's not a picture from Kick-Ass. But you'll probably have more fun watching Nic Cage getting destroyed by bees on Youtube for a couple hours than you would if you watched Kick-Ass.

Tron Legacy - The killer soundtrack and the extremely sexy Olivia Wilde are not enough to save one of the silliest stories of the year.

Dinner for Schmucks - Schmucks wasn't actually terrible, but the overall premise was pretty mean-spirited and the supporting characters were extremely shallow.

Machete - The  blunt and annoying message behind the movie didn't help matters, and neither did Michelle Rodriguez playing the only role she ever plays, ever.

Splice - Kudos to the writers for taking one of the coolest premises of the year and ruining it with one of the lamest third acts of the year.

Alice in Wonderland - I don't really have much to say here. I just didn't like it. You saw Johnny Depp's dance, right?

Predators - Just like Splice, Predators started off exciting and fun and then turned into a big, fat, crumbled up wad of cheese.

And now... the bottom 10.

10. Dogtooth (foreign film)

Director: Giorgos Lanthimos

Starring: Christos Stergioglou, Aggelika Papoulia, Mary Tsoni

Not Really: About dog's teeth.

9. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Director: Oliver Stone

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Michael Douglas, Carey Mulligan

Carey Mulligan: Is cute though.

8. Valhalla Rising

Director: Nicolas Winding Refn

Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Maarten Stevenson

Pictured: My face after this film was over.

7. Waiting for Superman (documentary film)

Director: Davis Guggenheim

Would've Been Awesome If: The film was actually about Superman.

6. I'm Still Here

Director: Casey Affleck

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Casey Affleck

Great Movie If: You enjoy watching films where people sit around their house, rap terribly, and smoke weed.

5. The Killer Inside Me

Director: Michael Winterbottom

Starring: Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba

Do You Enjoy Beating Women? - Good. Check out The Killer Inside Me. For everyone else... please skip this junk.

4. Wild Grass (foreign film)

Director: Alain Resnais

Starring: Sabine Azema, Andre Dussollier

Pictured: Actual wild grass, which is probably more exciting to look at than the film I saw.

3. Green Zone

Director: Paul Greengrass

Starring: Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson

Matt Damon: Maaaaatt Daaaaamon. Also Green Zone sucked. 

2. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Director: Mike Newell

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina

Minority Movies: Why do you always cast all the secondary characters with actors from the minority in question, but the leads go to white folks?

1. Grown Ups

Director: Dennis Dugan

Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, David Spade

Dear David Spade and Rob Schneider: Please stop making movies. As soon as possible. You're already millionaires. We don't need to have children, family members, or significant others forcing us to see you "act". We've been through enough already. Have some compassion.